Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Authority

As I've wrestled with all the different dynamics of relationships this past year I have asked the big question about church authority. Who is really in charge here? Almost a year ago now, I was told that I did not respect authority, and with that statement from a leader our relationship and so-called friendship began to spiral out of control. Why did it go so haywire? I think it went crazy, because confidences were betrayed, authority was abused, memories were mistreated, reality was misrepresented, truth was not told. Consequently, my views about my church body changed and I have not viewed it the same again. And, now I do not have the same respect for authority as I once did.
Now, my authority is Christ, and as one lives like Him that gives authority. If a leader is not living as Christ lives, he, or she does not have authority in anyone's life, not ever. So, that limits the amount of people that I view with authority, I can count them on one hand. I will say one of them is the person that presented me with the statement in the first place, saying I did not respect authority. People grow, people change. I know I have.
My journey has shown me though that just because a church makes someone a leader, does not mean that they have authority. That person needs to live a life that shows themselves worthy of leadership, and worthy of being followed. They need to practice what they preach. Integrity, no masks, honesty, rest, accepting God's grace, forgiveness, etc...
Can I do this? I am leading women, I am speaking into hearts, facilitating classes, forming relationships. And, as I write this, I feel like I am walking a line, because I want to tell truth, reveal my life for what it is, be real and honest with integrity and honor, stand before God with purity of heart knowing that I can do nothing without Him and I must always stand before Him open and waiting. I don't have any of the answers, but I do have a lot of questions.
I know who has the answers. I know who is wisdom, discernment, knowledge, and understanding. It is God. I know that I can lean on His understanding and He will guide me through. And, I know that He has taken me on a journey this past year that I can look back on and sigh with exhaustion. I can call it a bazaar journey with so many lessons that has had a web of people, lessons, pain, and healing. I have ended up in a place far different than I ever imagined, far better, and yet still not fully settled.
God has asked me to trust His Body, He asked me that years ago, and He has given me a network of very trustworthy friends. Then, He showed me that not all of His Body is trustworthy. I found that to be a hard lesson. He has asked me to fully depend on Him and to give my family to Him, then challenged me by exposing my son to someone I do not trust. God is God, and I am not, He is mighty, and I am not! God works wonders, I do not. It is all about God.
So, as I ramble in this post to the bloggers out there, and commit again to being open and real in my life. I challenge each and every one of you to do the same. Walk the walk, talk the talk, look for the person whose authority is Jesus. Say That Again, Jesus, You are my Authority, now, tomorrow, and always.

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