Friday, March 18, 2011


It's Friday and I have high hopes that I will see some sun today. The days that are grey are getting old, really fast! I am so ready for summer!
It's Friday, and I'm wanting the day to go smooth, no bumps, please.  I realize that this is probably not very realistic, but I can hope.
Hope is the very thing that keeps me going.  If something isn't good, I hope it will get better.  If I don't feel well, I have hope that, soon, I will recover. If the day is grey, I have hope that there will be a glimpse of sun.
I hope for love, renewal, strength, courage, reconciliation.  All of it.  I hope that God is using me to further His Kingdom.  I hope.
I remember feeling hopeless on some days, many years ago.  My brain felt broken. It was one of those things that I could not explain, because it was hopeless, empty, shamed.  The beauty is, God knew and even without me asking, He was there.  His love endured through the hopelessness and He carried me on to recovery.
He diligently uncovered the secrets, the pain, the shame.  He does that job well.
As a kid, I use to sit by our record player and listen to the Nutcracker.  I would imagine that I too could dance like the ballerina's on the record cover. It was nice. I hoped that someday I would dance for real.
As a kid, I use to ride my bike up and down the hills near my grandma's house.  I would put my dog in the front basket of my bike and we would ride for hours.  The days were hot and sunny, and I would imagine what life could feel like in freedom.  I hoped for freedom.
As a kid, I would hide in my bedroom when someone rang the doorbell.  Or, I would hide under the dining room table when my mother called me.  Or, I would hide in the closet.  Every time, hoping that I would not be found.
I learned to hide behind masks--lies.  Anything to protect myself, in hopes of being accepted, loved, protected.  I learned that it was safer to be fake than to be real. The story of the Velveteen Rabbit was fascinating to me, because the sweet rabbit became real.  I hoped for that someday too.
I learned to be afraid of people and not to trust anyone. My heart leery of what I was being told, or afraid to express my own thoughts. I hope that someday I would trust.
I learned that I had to preform to be okay, just me, all alone, was not enough.  I hoped that someday someone could see just me, and stay.
Hope, it kept me.  God blessed me with it, and He still does.  He whispers it to me all throughout the day.  My hope is IN Him and His redeeming love.
Say That Again, Father God, You are hope,and You will continue to bless me with it!

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for stopping by my blog .. I hear you about being ready for summer .. for now I'll take a nice spring day .. winter, gray skies, lack of sunshine .. all make the warmer weather more appreciated.


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