Friday, March 23, 2012

The Call

My husband and I are faced with some tough decisions. As we talked on the phone today, and he discussed the plan for the next few days, my heart ached. I could tell that his heart was in the same place, and we both were crying out to God for a miracle. We have been crying out to God for some time now, for our financial situation is not good and it has been hard to hang on. We have made major cut backs, and it looks like we will have to make more.
As I brought my heart and my anxiety before God this afternoon He directed me to Isaiah 49. It starts out by saying this: "The moment I entered the world he named me. He gave me speech that would cut and penetrate. He kept his hand on me to protect me. He made me his straight arrow and hid me in his quiver. He said to me, 'You're my dear servant, Israel, through whom I'll shine'. But I said, 'I've worked for nothing, I've nothing to show for a life of hard work. Nevertheless, I'll let God have the last word. I'll let him pronounce his verdict.'"
This is how I am feeling today. "I've nothing to show for a life of hard work." I realize that is a pretty big thing to say, for in reality, we have so much to "show" for our life. We are coming up to thirty years of marriage, we are blessed with four sons, one daughter, three daughter in laws, and two grandchildren. We have more gains than losses. God has surely kept us in His hands, cared tenderly for me, and for everyone in my family. Yet, here I am feeling like I am on the edge of loosing my stuff. I have to ask myself what that means for my calling? He has called me to speak for Him, even in the midst of my trials. I know God has promised me many things, mostly to keep me, still I am faced with fear.
Further in this chapter I read this: "God comforted His people. He tenderly nursed his beaten-up, beaten-down people.
I'd never forget you--never. Look, I've written your names on the backs of my hands The walls you're rebuilding are never out of my sight. Your builders are faster than your wreckers. The demolition crews are gone for good. Look up, look around, look well! See them all gathering, coming to you? As sure as I am the living God--God's Decree . You're going to put them on like so much jewelry, you're going to use them to dress up like a bride."
He is saying to me that He is never going to forget me--never. And, I do know that. But, oh, there are days that my faith wavers. I have days that I come before Him and ask Him with a shaky voice to just get me through the next hour. There are days that I question if I misunderstood what He has promised me, or if I have made the wrong choices and now I'm paying for that. I forget what He has said to me. I'm human, and I need Him to lift me up so that I can Look up, look around, and look well! I need Him to show me the builders coming and gathering around me. I need Him to be my Strength!
Say That Again, Jesus, You have called me to shine for you, to speak for you, and to step out in faith. You have my name on the back of Your hand, I'm going to keep looking up, looking around, and looking well. 


  1. Thanks for being vulnerable and honest. I'll be praying for you. I'm so sorry things are hard. :(


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