Friday, April 22, 2011

The Mountain

I didn't do that much today. I really needed to take a day off, it was nice too. I was gearing up for my meeting tonight. I climbed the hill behind our house twice today, my dog was very excited to get in an extra tour of the forest. And, it felt good to see the sun and feel it's warmth. It's pretty muddy going up our hill right now, thanks to all the rain and snow we've had. I fell once as I was making my way up the steepest part. I guess that's all part of climbing up a slippery, rocky slope, sometimes I'm gonna fall.
As I was in my meeting this evening and we were talking, I envisioned a huge canyon with a giant mountain coming up out of it. I was on one side of the mountain, and my friend was on the other. As we approach the concept of communication, it's like each of us taking a step up the mountain. Both of us aiming for the top, but realizing it's a long steep climb. A tough climb, slippery, and rocky. We may take two steps forward, and then three steps back, because neither one of us trusts, we are both hurt, and there are elements of fear when moving forward.
I have to ask myself, "what if I get hurt again?" "what if my words or actions hurt her?" "can she forgive me, and can I forgive her?"
What I've decided is that I cannot climb the mountain! I need Jesus to carry me up my side of the slope, and set me on the highest point. I want Him to carry her up too. I want us to meet at the top, and start over. I want life to be okay for both of us. Jesus, teach trust, teach peace, give us reconciliation.
I have to ask Him to clean my heart of any impurities. To show me motives that shouldn't be there. To open my eyes to her view, and give me the ability to understand. This is a very high mountain, and a miracle is needed to meet at the top.
I'm sad, actually. Two children of God, working so hard to be in relationship, but feeling so distant.
Misunderstandings, fears, unforgiveness.
Jesus, take my heart and my soul and heal all distortions! Speak through me in your faithful way. Use me to speak for you, walk for you, see for you. Use me, according to Your will, dear Jesus.
Say That Again, all of it. You will carry me up the mountain. You are faithful. You do make miracles happen in all of our lives. You are good all the time. Yup, Say That Again, over and over and over until I have no more doubts or fears about the mountain.

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