Friday, April 8, 2011

The Morning

Mornings are usually my favorite time of day.  I feel the best in the morning. I get to spend a significant amount of time with God. My husband and I have time to pray and talk with each other. I get to have a hot cup of coffee. My kids cuddle on the bed with us after they get up. It's all nice, comforting, safe.
This morning, I just couldn't wake up. I slept right through my usual 4am appointment with God and my coffee. I slept til 6am, and even then, it was a challenge for me to get up. I wanted to just lay there for a long time and doze in and out of dream land. My body took the flu pretty hard, I guess.
I have noticed that the sun is shining this morning, and we do not have snow! So, that is worth getting up for. It's still cold outside, but with the sun, there is hope of warmth. It lifts my spirits and makes me want to plant pansies in the yard. I want to get out all the patio furniture and sit in my swing on the mossy rock patio in the back yard. I want to have a barbecue, invite over some friends, and bask in the warmth. I want to stroll with my bare feet along the beach and touch the water. I want to go on a long walk with a friend, and have conversation. Ah, the beauty of the sun and the warmth!
I am still faced with conflict inside my heart. There are feelings of cold and feelings of warmth.  God is saying to me every morning that I need to love, be patient, pray for a friend.  I am feeling mixed, angry, hurt, and betrayed, yet still wanting to reconcile. I pray to Him asking that He just release me from the emotion, the hope, the pain. But, He responds to me by saying I need to love. I tell Him to just take it all, and love through me because I do not know how to. This is about Him loving through me. I ask Him to change my heart, move me in the direction that is real and alive through Him. Use me in my friends life so that He shines.Bring warmth, bring hope, bring life.
And so, I am seeing that some relationships, when there is a rift, take time.  God has assured me that He is working, and that I need to be steadfast, patient, and loving. He has listened over and over again to my feelings of pain, and each time He takes them, He gives me a little more healing.  He binds up the wound that pierced my heart, and has assured me that His plan is moving forward.
I keep talking to Him, listening to Him. I will love Him and believe that He is soveriegn and  good all the time. I will walk IN Him today.
Say That Again, Jesus. YOU are here, using me, working through me, bring Your plan to fruition. You are changing my heart, my eyes to see as You see. I will wait on You today.

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