Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Long Road

Back in September God and I were talking and He told me, as He always has that He would never leave me nor forsake me, that He would walk beside me and come up behind me and be my Safe guard. He then said that the road ahead of me was going to be a long road. I didn't know at the time what He meant by a long road, I was anticipating a long road in  speaking, possibly a long road with ministry, or a long road with our family maybe. But, I'm seeing now that is not what He was talking about.
As October rolled around and my prayers continued to ask God for truth, He continued to reveal to me that it was time for me to face more of the darker issues that I have chosen to forget. Issues I had to forget in order to survive, the only way I knew how to live.
And, so because I live out of obedience to Him, this is the path I've been on.  But, this morning, as I sat in my chair at 4:30 am praying. I asked Him again: "Do you really want me to go down this path? Why me, why now? I am finding this distressing, challenging, and I don't want to.  Father, I am finding this unspeakable, difficult to separate the truth from the false beliefs. Father, are you sure?"  My prayer went on and on, as it tends to do in the mornings about this issue, and when I finally finished, He said as gently as he could "I am sure, Bethany, remember when?"  And, he reminded me of a few key things that I had forgotten, not the most fun things, either. Then, He led me to Psalms 43.

Clear my name, God, stick up for me against these loveless, immoral people.
Get me out of here, away
from these lying degenerates.
I counted on you, God.
Why did you walk out on me?
Why am I pacing the floor, wringing my hands
over these outrageous people?
Give me your lantern and compass
give me a map, 
So I can find my way to the sacred mountain,
to the place of your presence,
to enter the place of worship, 
meet my exuberant God,
Sing my thanks with a harp
magnificent God, my God.
Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God--
Soon I'll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face
He's my God.

This is a long road, but as God walks with me in my times of pacing and wringing of hands, I know He will give me a lantern, a compass and a map. He will lead me to His sacred mountain, deep into His presence where I can worship and thank Him for this opportunity to learn how to serve Him better.
I am down in the dumps right now, and I am crying the blues. But still, I will keep my eyes on Him and He will lift me up, and His promise that soon, very soon I will have a smile on my face again gives me hope.
Say That Again, Jesus, You will put a smile on my face again, because You are my God!

1 comment:

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