Wednesday, October 2, 2013

The Last Few Days

The last few days have been sad days for me. I have felt lonely. There have been sad things happen in our family, and sad things happen with my friends. I have found that it is very challenging to rise above the circumstances.
I found out earlier today that a friend of mine died. She was not a close friend, but she was someone that I had spent time with. I knew her story, and I liked her. I felt very sad knowing that she was gone and I had not had the chance to see her one more time.
My week has been challenged with relationships. I have had some changes and I have needed to bring my questions to God. I am left asking Him, again if He is good, then why are my children hurting, or why is my heart crying, or why is it so hard to trust or painful to step out in faith?  Every part of me this week has wanted to just stay home and snuggle by the fire, eat chocolate, read books, and nap. I have asked God lots of questions, but He simply responds to me with words like "be still" or "rest in me" or "abide in me" .
Okay. I called my doctor today to see what was going on with the insurance. Nothing. I have to make a doctor visit so that there is more documentation. It is a slow process and I am frustrated. Maybe someday I will feel better, but today it feels like I won't ever feel better.  I know the enemy of my soul would like it if I believed those lies.
I met with three friends today. One was very early this morning and we prayed. It was nice. We meet every week, and I like it. We drank coffee, and ate a bagel.  Then, a little later, a met up with another friend that I hadn't seen in a long time, and it was good. I was pleased to be able to catch up on the news and I realized how much I missed having her in my life. Then I had lunch with another friend and I enjoyed the comfort of being with a friend that prays. I risked some heart felt thoughts and listened to hers as well.
But then, I found that every time I was alone in my truck I was crying. It was because my heart was hurting  and I am sad. It is because I am feeling like even though there are many people in my life, there are so many moments that I am feeling alone right now. God is bringing me to alone places for reasons, and I know what some of them are.  He wants me to continually turn back to Him in times like this, the times that I feel like I need someone to talk to. He is there for me to talk to Him, He is there to listen. Today I had a wave of emotion, and it felt like I would not make it through the check out line with out bursting into tears. It wasn't very fun. But, I did silently whisper to Him for help, and His goodness did come through.
Yesterday I spent some time with my grandson. It was delightful. He got a haircut, so now he looks more like a little boy, and less like a baby. We spent some time putting blocks in the empty peanut butter jar, hanging out on the bed eating granola bars, cuddling on the couch, poking burrito's with forks, and checking out the dog's water dish. It was an exciting afternoon! For me, being a grandmother is exquisite. My grandchildren are perfect. I adore them, love to be with them, and totally get the grandparents spoil grandchildren thing.
I am reading a book called Gospel. Here's a quote from the book that I read today: " The goal of the gospel is to produce a type of people consumed  with passion for God and love for others. We certainly don't seem to have that right."
I know I don't have that right. I do have passion for God, but, I want MORE. I do love people, but not enough, not nearly enough. And, I know that it is only through the love of Jesus that I will ever be able to accomplish either of these things.
I called a friend this evening to see how she was doing, I had promised to hold her accountable. We had a great conversation. I told her I felt lonely. We laughed. We agreed to talk again.
Tomorrow is a new day, and I will wake up and talk to Jesus. I will ask Him to enable me to abide in Him, and to show me how to love. I will feel as I rest in His arms. And as I do all of this I will ask Him to Say That Again to me: Abide in Him, love, and rest.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you for your comments, I like hearing from you!