Monday, October 7, 2013

The Mixed Emotions

It's Monday again. My weekend was a mix of all kinds of emotions.  Saturday was full for me and by the end of the day I was very tired. I had to leave home by ten to drive to another town to visit with a friend that I have not seen in a few months. My daughter in law and another friend joined me there and we all ate lunch together. It was nice.
I couldn't stay and visit with them as long as I would've liked because I needed to go to a memorial service for a friend of mine that died. As I was leaving, my daughter in law handed me a little box. When I got in the car, I opened it and there was a beautiful bracelet inside. On the bracelet, these words were inscribed, "Know in your heart you are loved". The gift brought tears to my eyes, and I put it on right away, and I felt loved.
I drove to the church and sat in the back with a friend. When I walked in, they were singing Fly Away Home, and it reminded me of when our dog, Stinky Dog, died. We buried her in the back yard and I played Fly Away Home. I sat through the service, thinking of my friend, and listening. I had questions, lots of questions.
When the service was over, I drove home and cried as I drove. I felt sad. It would've been nice to see her one more time. I would have liked that.
When I got home, I took a nap and it felt good. I really needed to sleep. And then, my daughter came bounding in ready for her girl night. My daughter in laws arrived and we made snacks and found movies. A friend came and we watched movies and ate good food. It was fun. My daughter in law stayed for the night, she slept in the same room with my daughter. They played Lego, and they talked. They had fun.
The next morning was relaxing with coffee and pancakes. The rest of the family and some friends came later and we made caramel apples. It was nice. My grandchildren were gathered all around me and it felt good to me. I find that some of my most incredible moments are the ones when all my family gathers, and I get to watch them. Or the times when I see God work in the lives of His children and He uses me as His tool. Or the times that I see my children reaching out to others in Kingdom ways, and life lights up.
Then, I have other moments that are deeply emotional. I feel upheaval. There has been loss, and I still feel myself grieving. There is pain, and that is reality. But, the bigger reality is that God's compassion and grace is so amazing and His power so magnificent that through Him I will conquer the sadness, the upheaval, the grief, and the pain.
I saw the doctor today. He thinks we can schedule surgery now, as soon as I go to physical therapy to rule out that my pain is not caused from something else. Hopefully, in about three weeks, this pain issue will be solved.
Jesus, I know You are in control. You see my day, You hear my cries and You know my needs. I want to abide in You and give my all to You. I will Say That Again, I want to abide in You.

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