Thursday, September 19, 2013

The Losses and The Gains

As I drove my daughter into school this morning, we listened to music together. My mind went back 20 years when my three adult sons were little and they were all home, busy as can be! When the three of them were very young, my husband and I decided that we were done having children, three was enough, so we took measures to make sure that there would be no more pregnancies.  But then, when our youngest was around 12, I began to have a change of heart, and I wanted to have more children. So, we went to the doctor, reversed the past decision, and six months later I was pregnant with our now 11 year old son! It was very exciting. It was like we were starting our family all over again, and to welcome our little son was amazing.
After he was born, I knew I wanted to have another one. I wanted him to have a sibling to play with, so after a couple years I got pregnant again. But, I miscarried at 8 weeks. We tried again, and I got pregnant right away. This time everything seemed to go really well, until one night I dreamed that our baby had died in the womb. I was 20 weeks. I called my doctor that morning asking for an ultrasound, and yes, our little boy was no longer alive. We went to the hospital for labor to be induced so I could deliver him.
We continued to try to have another child, and I had three more miscarriages. It did not seem to be in God's plan. It was a discouraging process. But, because of all of that, we ended up in China and brought home our daughter. She has added spark and drama to our lives. I don't think any of us every imagined one little girl could be so loud, dramatic, tearful, happy, angry, spunky, and joyful all at the same time!
Some one asked me if I've known life without pain. I've thought about that question a little bit more and I think that life always has an element of some kind of pain. If I am willing to admit and feel the pain, then I am able to know, see, and feel the joy. One cannot happen without the other. Jesus was the Man of Sorrow, His life was full of pain, yet He was a Joyful Man.
I'm thankful today for life, the life I have been given, and with that life there are losses and gains. I'm praising God for both, because I am seeing that He has taught me so much. Jesus, I will Say That Again, I am thankful!

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