The Heavenly Presence

I am currently listening to a song by the Newsboys, "there is nothing like your presence, Lord, here we stand in awe!" This is how I felt this morning, as I went to God before His Throne again. Each time, I learn how awesome He is, His mercy overwhelms me, His grace overtakes me.
My prayer this morning, I will say, was completely for myself. I left my list for others behind this morning and I grabbed the feet of Jesus and I stayed there for a long time. I asked Him to bring to my heart and to my soul strength, understanding, Joy, wisdom, rest, revival, restoration, and revival. I feel like I need all of this every day so that I can further His Kingdom, His way. I asked for His presence to fall upon me, His arms to wrap me and to never leave me, not ever. His truth. I fell into silence, just to listen.
Every time I hear the voice of Jesus I am amazed. EVERY TIME. Little me, He is taking the time to speak to me, He loves me. He assures me that He will be my restoration, my understanding, my revival and my strength. He led me to Psalms 21.  In Psalms 21 David is talking about how God has done this very thing for him:
"You have given him his hearts desires, and You have not withheld the request
of his lips. You met him with the blessings of good things.
He asked life of you, You gave it to him
length of days forever and ever.
His glory is great through your Salvation
Splendor and majesty you place upon him
You make him Joyful with gladness in your presence"

All these verses spoke to me and answered my prayer, and my hearts desire. God continues to Say That Again to me over and over, every day. He continues to listen to my heart and meet me with blessings. I stand in His presence with awe, before His throne in total awe. I come before Him broken, and He completes me.
In His Heavenly Presence I will Say That Again--God you are my Revival, Restoration, Renewal, and Rest.

The Stunning Crown

This morning was one of those soul-launching mornings with God. I have imagined myself in my son's little sling shot and being launched over to the Throne of God, landing not so gracefully at His feet with all my stuff as I blubber to Him in a language that I think the Holy Spirit can only figure out. God, in all His wonder and extravagance kindly lifts me to my feet and holds me. He wraps me in His kindness, He hears me, and this morning as I gave Him all my stuff this is what He said back to me:
"Bethany, do not be afraid, I am here with you, you're solid Rock, steady and sure. I have captured you. I am leading you on a lighted path, and even though to you it seems to have many crooked corners, I have your hand and will not allow you to fall off my path.  You are on my Holy Road. You are walking in faith on my Holy Road. I have guard rails on each side to protect you. I hear that sometimes you are afraid, yet I am bigger than all those things. I AM YOUR GOD."
And, then I knew to read Isaiah 62. In Isaiah 62 there is a beautiful verse; "You'll be a stunning crown in the palm of God's hand, a jeweled solid cup held high in the hand of your God."
And further down I read, "Your Savior comes, Ready to do what he said he'd do, prepared to complete what he promised."
I like how God reassures me all the time in His Word. He directs me, He tells me to not be afraid, and He reminds me that I am in the palm of His hand, and it is there that I can dance, confess, love, and allow Him to fulfill His promise in me. I am a stunning crown for Jesus because this is His promise to me, He holds me in His Hands!
Jesus, Say That Again, You have Captured me In Your Hands so that I can be Free In You. Thank you for this gift.

The Holy Road

There  will be a highway called the Holy Road. No one rude or rebellious is permitted on this road. It's for God's people exclusively--impossible to get lost on this road. Not even fools can get lost on it. 
Isaiah 35:8
Say That Again Jesus, Keep me on The Holy Road

The Journal Workshop

Yesterday I was blessed to spend the day with a lovely group of friends. We made journals, lots of journals. The journals are for Captured Freedom, the speaking ministry. We sat around the table at our ministry house, Agape Celebration, and we glued, cut, folded, and repeated, lots of paper! The best part, we engaged in each other's lives, we talked, we laughed, we joked around. It was a lot of fun.

I put a lot of glue on a lot of paper. Really, it's the job I trusted myself with the most. Others had the tricky job of centering paper on cardboard, and I knew that would not be a good job for my off-center brain, friends readily agreed. Others did some quick and fluent cutting with scissors, I thought it best that I stay away from the scissors, since I tend to randomly swing my arms and hands about. Others, folded paper, and I did try this job, but found that even though I did it well, I did it painfully slow. Yup, glue is my thing, I could make crazy designs on the cover, it didn't have to be in any particular order, I could change it up every time, and it didn't even have to be the same amount each time----perfect! Still, even with all this freedom, my friend next to me got after me a couple times over my glue methods!

God is an incredible God. All the personalities that He has made. Just in that room, there were so many women, so many talents, and with all of us together, so much fun! As I watched everyone, listened to everyone, it really amazed me to realized how far God has brought my heart. And, I felt so thankful to Him for bringing all of them into my life. When people show up, it feels like God is showing up, and His Spirit soars. Evidence of Him spills throughout the room, and life explodes.  I like how God gives me the opportunity to be in the lives of other women and to experience their way of doing things. I like being accepted for my silly ways, and accepting others.

Jesus, Say That Again to me! Because of the way You always show up in my life, and the way You always accept me, and love me, I am seeing You in others. I am learning to be like You. Jesus, Keep Saying That to Me, over and over again through my friends and family, and teach me to Say That Again to them!

The Men's Group

This morning I visited  a men's group at our ministry house, Agape Celebration. As I was driving there, I was talking to God about my visit and asking Him to give me wisdom. I have a lot of experience with women's groups, but not with men. I was expressing to God that I needed Him to speak guy language  through me, because I was feeling clueless. How can I express the value needed for their group, and instill the foundations of relationship? My need for Jesus to work through me and to speak His words overwhelmed me.
By the time I got there and we talked it all went well. At least I think it did. And, later when God and I were talking again He led me to one of my favorite verses, Ecclesiastes 3:13-15:
"God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time-but he's left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he's coming or going. I've decided that there's nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life. That's it--eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It's God's gift.
I've also concluded that whatever God does, that's the way it's going to be, always. No additions, no subtractions. God's done it and that's it, That's so we'll quit asking questions and simply worship in holy fear".
Well, I had to smile, because for me to stop asking questions would be a true miracle! I love the part though where this verse says "make the most of your job" and that is where God led me this morning after meeting with the men's group! It's like He was just telling me that it's His gift to me and it will go HIS way no matter what. He is in control, so it's okay. He is the one that put the group together in the first place, He made all the arrangements and set everything in motion, He moves in and out of each person there, He will use me while I am there and touch each life. I just have to worship Him. When I worship Him, I will get the most I possibly can out of life, and it will be absolutely beautiful to my soul.
I may not know what God is going to do tomorrow, but right now at this very moment, I know that He is here talking to my heart.  Right now, this moment I know that He led me this morning during the group, and He led me to this verse, and He continues to lead me moment by moment. If I talk to Him, He will lead me. If I worship Him; the conclusion is, all good, even in the bad, because it is well with my soul.
So, Jesus, Say that Again, You make everything beautiful, when I worship you!

The Odd-Ball

My confession today is that even though I am aware that I am often the Odd-Ball, it doesn't matter to me!  I remember thinking at some point in my life that I would just like to be able to "fit in" with the people around me. I would like to be able to speak, and be comfortable, and just be.  But, now, as I move through my life, I am seeing that Jesus is not calling me to be comfortable. He is calling me to speak through the trial, to walk in a manner worthy of the calling, and He has never called me to "fit in" .  He didn't fit in, He isn't typical. He doesn't see anything the way the world sees things. His thoughts are not the thoughts of man. He would be considered an Odd-Ball.
I still have those days when I think "I'm not going to keep doing this!" And, God whispers back, "Yes, you are! You are a daughter of the King, no one can take you out of my Hands, Bethany. You are Captured, You are wrapped, I have you, now GO!" And, as odd as it seems to me, I go. There are some days that each hour is a step of faith for me, because I'm not exactly sure what He wants me to do next. And, I keep asking Him questions, or giving Him thoughts that may seem odd or silly, but I need to know: "God, do you want me to go visit this friend now? Do you want me to say this now? God, is this true? God I'm thinking these thoughts, what do you think? God, I'm heading this way, but I'm so unsure right now, stop me if I'm wrong! God, I need you to fight for me, send help! God, I'm so emotional right now, take all these emotions before they take me! God, don't let me down now! Jesus, I confess, I don't know what to do, speak to me!"
The daily, unending conversation with God. Say That Again, Dear God, answer me when I call, You are my life line. You and only You. Odd.

The Wanderer

There are times, I feel as if I am wandering around in the desert. That is not necessarily a bad thing, I happen to like the desert. It's dry, it's hot, it doesn't snow in the desert.  I am always warm in the desert! But, on the other hand, I am wandering, with a feeling of getting nowhere! This is how I felt yesterday. I spent a lot of time asking God these questions:" Where the heck am I going? Why are you asking me to go the direction I am going? And, how long are we going to head this way?"  He didn't give me an answer, really. Except that He continued to say that He wants me to be open to His love, to work on breaking down the wall around my heart, and to allow Him to reveal truth to my soul. To me, that pretty much is going to take a lifetime. I guess I may as well settle in. He wants me to surrender, stop being so darn stubborn, quit complaining. All those things I do when I find it challenging to let go and let God!
In my devotional this morning I read about the endless love of Jesus. I read how there is nothing, absolutely nothing that I can do to get Him to STOP loving me, and how I am called to have that same kind of love for others. Really? The exact same kind? I'm back to love again, and as I wander in the desert and think about love and ask God to enable me to love others in that way, I wonder if I can? I feel loved like that by my husband, and I want to feel loved like that by others, but when it comes right down to it, do I? But, here's the bigger question, do others feel loved like that by me?  Am I able to allow Jesus in my heart enough to love others that much? Or, am I just so busy wandering around, that love is on the back burner, wander, wander, wander....
Oh Jesus, Your Spirit is all Power, all joy, all I need.  You are love and you have me Captured IN your hands; it is safe there. I need you. Say That Again, Jesus, when I wander all about, capture me with your staff and bring me into your hands.