The Kids

It's sunny, it's lovely, it's a great day, right? I got a phone call from a very dear friend, wishing me a blessed day, my time with God was fulfilling, all was well. Then, I met my kids.
My son was making odd sounds at breakfast, and his sister was not very appreciative of his expelled tones. "Stop, stop, stop" she began her breakfast ritual loudly. This only encouraged his version of music. "Don't look at me!" she continued.
"Hey, guys, don't even start!" I warned. But, this completely went over both heads and they continued in their not so loving interaction. My son got louder with his annoying noises, she became more demanding. He reached over and grabbed the cereal container and began stacking them on top of each other. "I don't even want to see you!" He announced.
She folded her arms and continued "stop, stop, stop!" At that point the cereal fell and we had Life all over the counter.
Jesus would've been far more patient than I was. Now I was saying "Stop!" I cleaned up the cereal, cleaned up their bowls and extracted them from the kitchen. "'I'm sorry you both chose not to listen to me, now you have to go sit somewhere else!"
They stomped off to another room, leaving each one of us to fume individually. It wasn't the cereal, it was the constant bickering. And, I told them both that. And I had to ask Jesus to power me up, and to bless me with His fruit.
What does He do when I am in a state of constant bickering? I know in the past He has cleaned me up, loved me, patiently prodded me along. He doesn't get angry, or stomp off, He sees my heart.
Oh Jesus, show me the pure, sweet hearts of my children today. They are dear to me and to you. Jesus, Say That Again to me as I manuver through this day with them, and fill me with Your Spirit!

Until next time....

The Verse

I have a meeting coming up just short of a couple weeks. I've been praying about it a lot today, and will continue to pray up until the very moment I meet. Actually, through out this meeting, I will pray, so will many of my friends. It's a big deal.
As I pray, there is a particular verse that continues to come to mind: 2 Corinthians 7:11 "Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets." verse 12; "isn't it wonderful all the ways in which this distress has guided you closer to God? You're more alive more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible. Looked at from every angle, you've come out of this with purity of heart."
Ah, from every angle, through my trial, I have come out of it with purity of heart! I have seen the face of God in this trial, and He has kissed my cheek! Not that it's over, I don't think it is, but I am more alive, more sensitive, more concerned, more reverent, more human, more passionate, and more responsible! God has grown my heart and my soul, and I feel His presence even more now than I did 6 months ago.
I know what He is calling me to do, there is no room for doubt in that. Over and over again, He has raised Himself up and proved to me His passionate love, his desire to have me next to Him, my completeness IN Him.
I am praying for boldness in His Spirit, for His truth, and for discernment as I go into this upcoming meeting on the 22nd. Pray for me, friends.
Say That Again, dear Jesus. No regrets from this pain. My heart is pure in Jesus!

Until next time....

The Friends

God has brought many good friends into my life. I really tasted their love today as so many of them called or texted to see how I'm doing. A couple of them witnessed an encounter of mine, and just wanted to check in. It was thoughtful and kind. Each one of them is a gift from God. I feel blessed to have friends that check on me, support me, go to church with me, and bring me ice cream. I know God has His hand in all of their loving ways, and it brings me joy.
God has granted me an answer to prayer. I prayed for women to be in my life, wise women, caring women, friends to hang out with. This is what He has given me. Friends to have coffee with, friends to paint toe nails with, friends to cry with.
Because of these constant, loving friends in my life, He has shown me what He is. God is there for me to call upon, He is there to draw me, He goes with me everywhere, and He brings me gifts! God is my companion no matter what, through ALL things, He loves me, accepts me, forgives me, enjoys me! I can trust Him, because I know that He will never leave me. He is a true friend, indeed.
Say That Again, Jesus. You are everything, and You bring good into my life. And, I will Say That Again, "thank you, Jesus!"

Until next time....

The Wait

My mornings are usually very busy as soon as my children wake up. They want breakfast, they want to play, they want to know what's going to happen that day.  To add to the busy, the dogs are running around everywhere, wanting out, wanting in, wanting food. It can be chaotic sometimes. I here myself saying to all of them "wait" I only have two hands and I cannot do everything at once!
This morning, the realization came to me in a little more finality, that God is saying the same thing to me. "Wait on me." He is leading, He is working on hearts, He is the One in control.  I want relationships to progress and I want everything to be better, He just wants me to wait for HIS timing.  He has work to do, work on me, work on others, and it takes time.
He wants to lead the process, and I need to continually surrender it to HIM.  He led me to Romans 3 this morning and it's all about letting Him set things right. It's about HIM. I need to keep my focus solely on Him, and not worry about what is going on elsewhere.  It is only the opinion of God that matters here, and if I am right with Him, it's all good.
God has set so many things right with my life, and I see Him daily doing that. His work is very evident, and I am blessed. So, today, I will believe that His good work will continue in me, and in others.  I will believe in His plan of renewal, revival, reconciliation.  I will give it all to Him and follow His lead .
Say That Again to me Jesus, I will need to hear it often today.  As I step forward IN you, gently prod my heart of Your will, and Your leading. 

The Park

The kids and I went to the park today. We rode the Spider, the Tilt-A-Whirl, The Roller Coaster, and The Slide. It was fun. It was a glimpse of summer. It was nostalgic as well, because we have spent many hours in this park for many years. It reminds me of my older boys when they were young, both my younger children and their delight. It reminds me of lazy days with my husband, and walks with friends. It makes me want to stop time, for just a little while and capture the moment forever....But, time goes on and there is the realization that I have lived more years than I have years left to live. Hmm, what do I do with that? I'm at that place where I want everything to go well, and grieve when it doesn't. There's little time left if things go great, what if they don't? I'm wanting love, relationship, hope, courage and joy to be a steady companion. I'm at that place where I don't want any game playing, just say it, do it, and be there in a real place.
The Park, who knew it would be so thought provoking? Was it the run down the hill? Or the stroll up the hill? Was it seeing the playground, hearing the birds, or feeling the chill in the air? Maybe it was the smiles on my children's faces, their carefree life dancing before me. I don't know, but it was something and it worked.
The last time I was in this park was in the Fall, walking with a friend. It was beautiful, the leaves on the trees were orange, crimson, green and tan. The air was brisk then too. The rides were closed and people in the town were hunkering down for winter. The smell of coffee was in the air, hot and steaming.
The Park. I remember years ago, before we had children my husband and I strolled this park. We played like two little kids, running, tickling, and laughing. We felt then that the whole world was timeless. We were young, and living in denial! Isn't there a saying something like this? "Ignorance is bliss!!"
I wouldn't want to go back, life is better now. But, there are some days that I ask God, "which way is forward?" Am I being productive in His Kingdom? He has set me free to play in His Park, to dance, sing, be alive IN Him, am I doing that to my very best abilities? Am I living IN Him to the very fullest? I want to say "yes" but then there are those brief fragments of time that I question the Park He has set me in. When I cannot resolve, restore, renew, and revive. I let myself feel frustrated, and I stop dancing. I pretend like the Park is closed.
Jesus, lift me up like an eagle. Strengthen me, guide me, as I dance with YOU. Use me in this Park to play, laugh, speak, and further Your Kingdom. Give me a positive impact on the others in this Park with me, and bring my heart to surrender, complete and total surrender to You. Say That Again to me today, tomorrow, and all week.

Until next time....

The Mess

My energy level, despite my mucus issue, has returned to me late this morning, so I quickly took advantage of the fact that I actually felt like doing something. One look around the house, and clearly it needed some picking up! Every room was cluttered with kid toys, and the reality of Mom being out of commission was all too vivid!
I started to gather, gather, and gather some more. I piled everything on the stairs that lead up to Eli and Ruby's rooms. Now that we are blocked from getting up the stairs, I guess I will just continue to focus on the main floor!
To ensure that my energy stays, I drank the "5 hour energy drink" yum. I wouldn't say that I'm the energizer bunnie, exactly, but it does help. I think I could travel to the store, get a few groceries, cook dinner. It may seem a bit ambitious, but it's worth a try.
The flu is like bondage. I have been in bondage before, under the grip and lies of the enemy. When this happens, when I believe the lies of the enemy, I am unable to function at the intended level God has for me. I am unable to see clearly. And, I am unable to move forward IN Him.
Bondage can be anything that is more important than God. Anything that keeps me from having a fulfilling relationship with Him. Lies that tell me I'm not His child, or I could be taken out of His grip. Whispers of insecurity that keep me from hearing His voice. Disobedience to His word.
When this happens, I have to live in The Mess. My spiritual energy is diminished. My life lacks the fruit of His Spirit. I cannot hear His voice, I do not know the love of His people.
The more I surrender my life to Him the more I see The Mess, and He enables me to clean it up. Each piece is picked up and stacked at His Feet, for Him to deal with. The bondage is gone, and freedom reigns!
Jesus, keep picking up The Mess in my life. Say That Again to me everyday--YOU are here, cleaning, giving freedom from all the mess. I love how YOU do that!

Until next time....

Until next time....

BlogThis!

The Morning

Mornings are usually my favorite time of day.  I feel the best in the morning. I get to spend a significant amount of time with God. My husband and I have time to pray and talk with each other. I get to have a hot cup of coffee. My kids cuddle on the bed with us after they get up. It's all nice, comforting, safe.
This morning, I just couldn't wake up. I slept right through my usual 4am appointment with God and my coffee. I slept til 6am, and even then, it was a challenge for me to get up. I wanted to just lay there for a long time and doze in and out of dream land. My body took the flu pretty hard, I guess.
I have noticed that the sun is shining this morning, and we do not have snow! So, that is worth getting up for. It's still cold outside, but with the sun, there is hope of warmth. It lifts my spirits and makes me want to plant pansies in the yard. I want to get out all the patio furniture and sit in my swing on the mossy rock patio in the back yard. I want to have a barbecue, invite over some friends, and bask in the warmth. I want to stroll with my bare feet along the beach and touch the water. I want to go on a long walk with a friend, and have conversation. Ah, the beauty of the sun and the warmth!
I am still faced with conflict inside my heart. There are feelings of cold and feelings of warmth.  God is saying to me every morning that I need to love, be patient, pray for a friend.  I am feeling mixed, angry, hurt, and betrayed, yet still wanting to reconcile. I pray to Him asking that He just release me from the emotion, the hope, the pain. But, He responds to me by saying I need to love. I tell Him to just take it all, and love through me because I do not know how to. This is about Him loving through me. I ask Him to change my heart, move me in the direction that is real and alive through Him. Use me in my friends life so that He shines.Bring warmth, bring hope, bring life.
And so, I am seeing that some relationships, when there is a rift, take time.  God has assured me that He is working, and that I need to be steadfast, patient, and loving. He has listened over and over again to my feelings of pain, and each time He takes them, He gives me a little more healing.  He binds up the wound that pierced my heart, and has assured me that His plan is moving forward.
I keep talking to Him, listening to Him. I will love Him and believe that He is soveriegn and  good all the time. I will walk IN Him today.
Say That Again, Jesus. YOU are here, using me, working through me, bring Your plan to fruition. You are changing my heart, my eyes to see as You see. I will wait on You today.