The Decision

Each day of my life has been faced with decisions.  Even if I decide not to decide, I'm deciding something! That is what life consists of, decisions!
Much of the time, I am able to make decisions easily and quickly.  I don't stand in the produce aisle trying to decide what to buy.  I don't take hours in the morning deciding what to wear. I seldom question my decision to do what needs to be done. But, right now, I am faced with several decisions, and they all seem large and kind of lurking. And, my question is: "God, what do you want?" I am left in a place of indecision, because I'm not sure which direction is best.
He has told me over and over again that the path is before me and He has it well lit.  Yes, He said "path" not "paths" So, as I stand on the path and it seems to be forking in more than two directions, I come to a standstill.
God continually brings me back to His calling on my life.  "Bethany, I want you to speak!" Which path should I take that allows me to be used in that way the most effectively? What does it look like? And, what do I need to do to get there?
My decision has been, and still is, to surrender to my God.  My decision is to love Him, further His Kingdom, make Him my priority.  My decision is to follow Him, persevere with the calling He has on my life, to listen, to be real and truthful, and to surround myself with others that have those very same desires. My decision is to pray.
The paths are open before me.  I am dealing with some hurt in relation to some of those path, but they are all still there and God will take my hand and direct my way.  I know He will, it's His promise.
Say That Again, Jesus, You are here to take my hand and lead me on the path of Your desires.  Thank you Jesus! 

The Side View Mirror

As I was driving to a meeting yesterday, I looked in my side view mirror and it was dangling.  It was actually blowing wildly in the wind, hanging on by just a couple wires. I put my window down and stuck it back in it's place, but that didn't hold for long.  So, I got to drive down the interstate, holding my mirror in place.  I was late for my meeting. It wasn't the best experience of my life, nor was it the worst! It was frustrating, funny, typical, and it's still all of those things.
My car has once again failed me.  I've been let down by my side view mirror. It needs repair.
I have felt a bit let down the last couple of days and have been trying to work through all of those feelings. Again, I took the risk and trusted someone, and then in return I got the raw end of the deal. Just like my mirror got all dangly, so did my trust in a relationship.
I will add that the majority of my relationships are not like this. I feel loved my many people, and I trust many. But, in the last year, I have had to really work on the trust thing.  I guess I haven't worked it enough, because it's back. God continues to allow things, issues, to keep coming around until I have them resolved.  Like my mirror, it's going to continue to just dangle there, completely useless, until it is resolved. I need the mirror to be resolved if I want to see the whole picture.
So, today, I have spent some time processing, thinking, and praying. I have some decisions to make. God has cleared a path for me, He has given light.  Am I on that path? Life will never be without pain, conflict, brokenness, and heartache.  But, I can work towards the positive and hope for the best. And, I will.
I have been blessed with some beautiful reconciliation in other areas, and to me that is a miracle. God's Hand has brought peace, trust, wellness. He is truly good and amazing in every way.
So, Jesus, bring me through this trial and help me see your way. Enable me to have discernment, love, steadfastness in Your way.
Say That Again, to me Dear Jesus. You will walk this walk with me and give to me all that I need for this life journey.

The Prayer

Prayer has become a huge part of my daily routine.  I fall asleep at night, praying.  I wake up in the morning, praying. I spend hours a day, praying. I don't know what I would do without this method of communication with God, prayer, it is my life line to God.
This morning as I was praying, God impressed upon me to read 1 Timothy 2. It is titled "A Call to Prayer"  The first verse says this "The first thing I want you to do is pray. Pray every way you know how, for everyone you know." Wow, for everyone? And, then in my devotional, the topic was, you guessed it, prayer! Intercessory prayer, deep convicted prayer for others.  The kind of prayer that is so deeply felt, it hurts. Like the prayer Jesus prayed when He had drops of blood coming out of His pores. The kind of prayer that keeps me up long into the night because I know someone needs prayer. The kind that doesn't end, but perseveres through all circumstances.
In verse 8 it says "I want the men in every place to pray, lifting holy hands, without wrath and dissension."
He is asking me to pray, inviting me into His Holy presence, and lift my voice to Him. He is asking me to lift my hands, holy hands, to Him and praise Him! He wants me to throw myself down at His throne and pray in humility and submission before Him. He is God, He alone, and to Him my worship goes!
Prayer, it is good. It brings peace, answers, hope. It is through prayer that God works miracles, He touches lives, He saves. Prayer, it is power that I have as a Saint, through His Spirit!
Say That Again, Jesus, "The first thing I want you to do is pray!"  Okay, I will pray some more.

The Recipe

We have a nice bread maker from our son and daughter in-law. My husband has used it a couple of times, I have not.  I thought I'd take a look at it today, find a recipe, and make some bread. I'm not totally committed to this plan yet, but I'm leaning towards it.
I have a a lot of recipe's. I enjoy cook books, but have not always enjoyed cooking. It's been something nice to think about.
This morning as I conversed with God I was feeling a little blah about various things.  We went over my week together and I started to think that maybe I would do better by just staying home! I couldn't really explain the blah feeling to Him, but then again, I don't have to.  He knows.
He told me to read Philippians 4. I've read that chapter many times, but every time it is something new that strikes me. This time verse 12 stood out, kinda like a sore thumb!
"I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am."
So, I had to ask myself, is this true for me? We've had much and we've had little, does it significantly impact my joy? Sometimes it does. What does that say about my security IN Jesus, or my faith?  I've been in several different places, and I'm serving now in several different areas, has this impacted my deep joy? Yes, it has. There have been those times that I've gotten wrapped up in what I'm doing and my focus has not been on who He is and who I am IN Him.  My joy has been diminished during those times. Have I always behaved as if I can get through anything because He is the ONE that has made me who I am? No, I haven't.
So, today, my focus is on this verse and the promise it holds. Whether my hands are full or empty, I have much or little. Wherever I am, home, church, playing with my kids, struggling with an issue, I have His promise that because of who He has made me to be, He will get me through it all. On the sunny days, rainy days, happy days, blah days, everyday He is there.
He is lighting the way, He has a plan, and I will follow.  Say that Again, Jesus, You have made me your child, your living testimony, Your light. You will keep me on Your path, and I will focus on You.

The Pet Police

My dog is in trouble. She attacked the mailman. Yesterday she went after a visiting neighborhood lady. This is not good. Naturally, this was very scary to the neighborhood lady and she called the Pet Police.
I did not feel that I was able to visit with the pet police. I love my dog and was very concerned about what the next step might be. So, my husband, being the very kind man that he is, changed his plans so that he could be home to talk to the pet police.
In the meantime, my dog is seriously depressed. First, she got pepper spray. Then, she got called in. She felt so horrible she did not want to get up out of the chair, or eat food, or go outside to the bathroom. I had to insist she get up out of her chair, to go to bed. She knows she did something very wrong, and life is not the same for her.
She does have consequences. She is grounded for 10 days. She has to wear a muzzle in public. She has been labeled as an "aggressive dog"  We all have a hard time wrapping our minds around that one! She even has to have her own sign. "Beware of dog!"
I think she is feeling like life is not fair. She was simply protecting her family. Making the boundaries clear that people do not get near the ones she loves.  She was making a statement. And, on top of all that, she may be wondering why our other dog, Freddie, get away with random acts of craziness, and he doesn't get grounded or have the pet police visit him. In fact, I wouldn't even put it past Freddie, if he was the one that convinced her to "protect"
For me, when I have to pay the consequences of my actions, it can be confusing, depressing, or sad.  Others, my label me or judge me as being bad for expressing myself, or behaving in a certain way. It could be very hard on my family. Other people, like the pet police, might get called in to make an assessment, and I may just want to sit in my chair and sulk.
God disciplines those He loves. He prunes the branches. He molds me into the productive, fruitful person He so desires. And, while He is doing this, He loves me, reaches out to me, does whatever it takes to make the boundaries clear. He is God. He wants me to grow IN Him all the time.
God of heaven, King almighty, Say That to me again! You are the God that know my way, and You will guide me, love me, discipline me. You are love!

The Mailman

My kids were playing out in the yard and one of them forgot to close the door. The mailman came across the street and started into our yard.  Well, my dog was not too impressed with the fact that the mailman was inviting himself into our yard and she charged out the door towards him. She didn't get too close because he grabbed his pepper spray and got her right in the face. She quickly retreated, my kids screamed, I grabbed my blind dog and we all ran in the house.
My son was very upset.  He wanted to go after the mailman and kick him.  My daughter was confused. My dog was in pain and retreated to my lap, eyes closed.  I quickly got a wet rag and held it over her eyes, she just laid there. Very still. We talked to her, petted her, kept the cloth on her eyes for a good 30 minutes. Then she finally got up and tried to open her eyes.  I bet she never goes after the mailman again.
So many times, I have lashed out! So many times I have been sprayed by the enemy, blinded and unable to see. So many times I have had to retreat to my closet and be still before him.
I told a friend this morning that I felt like I needed to launch myself at the feet of Jesus today, and hold on! I'm glad I did, because it's been one of those long days.
I also locked myself out of the house, and with no keys couldn't drive my car! hmmm, called my son and he was kind enough to come rescue us.
Had some tough conversations with a friend or too, they are being sprayed by the enemies pepper spray and it's hard to see. But, through it all, this I know, He is with me.  He is leading, loving, waiting, being the God of great faithfulness. He is beauty, all the time and He is my safety. So nice. He is grace.
Jesus, I'm holding onto your feet at the throne. I'm loving you today and I need you to Say That Again to me.  "Child, I love you!"

The Proverb

I've been spending a lot of time in the book of Proverbs this week.  I've been struck by the contrasts in this book. The wise do this, and the foolish do that! The wise say this, but the foolish do that! etc...I focused on the verses about friendship, and found this one especially nice. "A friend loves at all times. And, a brother is born for adversity" proverbs 17:17 "He who conceals a transgression seeks love. But he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends." proverbs 17:9 "Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." proverbs 27:17
What does a Proverbs Friend look like?  She is wise, she loves at all times, which sets her apart. She demonstrates caution in the beginning of a friendship, and once it is established, she endures through the thick and the thin. She seeks and she gives wise, earnest counsel. She is trustworthy, even when she is being sharpened. She steps forward and she takes risk. She allows Jesus to be the golden thread that holds the friendship together and grows it.
I have not always been a wise friend. I've been the kind of friend that leaves. The kind of friend that does not want to be sharpened. The kind of friend that will not endure. This is something I have had to bring before the throne and confess, repent, and ask my Savior to change me. I have had to seek being a Proverbs Friend. I have had to daily ask Jesus to be closer to me than I am to myself, to be deeper within me than my deepest, and higher than my highest. To enable me to be the friend He so desires me to be.
Jesus, I launch myself towards You today and ask You to Say That Again, and again. Mold my heart, my character, all my beliefs to align with Yours.  Speak to my heart and lead me to be a Proverbs Friend.