Saturday, March 1, 2014

The Pulling of my Heart

Last Thursday I volunteered at a training for human trafficking. This is a topic I have been reading about for sometime now, and it is not pretty. The training I went to was for law enforcement and hoteliers. Both law enforcement and hoteliers need to learn to work together to stop human traffickers, so this was imperative in bringing awareness to what they should look for.
For me, it was also informative, but very exhausting. by the time I arrived home that evening I felt as if there was nothing left to give. I was so thankful for my own children, and my own life, yet felt such a grief for the lives of so many missing children that are trafficked.
The next day when I awoke, I was still tired and couldn't stop thinking about some of the stories of the girls that had been trafficked. My heart felt heavy and I wanted to cry. I asked God to shine light on this horrible darkness, and lead me in his direction. But, I felt very sad.
My husband and I had a day planned together, so it was not a good time for me to feel sad! We went out for breakfast after dropping our kids off at school, and he asked me about the training. But, I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to curl up in a ball and go to sleep. We ate our breakfast, and then we drove back to the safety of our home. The entire time I was praying to God for a lifting of the sorrow I was feeling.
We napped when we got home, and it was wonderful. When I woke up, there was such relief. Throughout the day, I continued to think about the training, and God would bring a verse I recently read in Luke to mind:

Don't be upset, just trust me and everything will be alright. Luke 8:50

It is easy to trust when things are good, but when it is difficult to explain the tragedy, the cruelty, the loss, the slavery, then trusting becomes a much bigger challenge. When a mother looses her child to a pimp and cannot find her because she has been taken and sold, trusting God is no easy task. 
When I think of the love of Jesus and the calling he has given me, sometimes I feel afraid. How will I be able to walk into the places he has called me? He is telling me to not be upset, but to trust him, yet this is upsetting! This is not alright! I know that he loves me and he rescues and he sends me out to rescue and show compassion and bring his love. Oh, how I need to trust that through it all it will be alright!
Jesus, Say That Again, it will be alright!

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