Attack!

Last night was our family night. We gather every Sunday evening as a family and have dinner, play games, watch a movie, catch up.  Our adult children come, the dogs come; it's very nice.  Often, we seem to have pizza, because cooking is my challenge, but sometimes we go beyond the pizza box and I cook.  Last night, I made spaghetti, green beans, and garlic bread.  My spaghetti sauce turned out perfect; it was very good indeed.  And, it was easy, I like that.
The game we played last night was Uno Attack. We sat around our dining room table with uno cards and the draw pile was stacked in this little gadget that one can press when it's their turn to draw.  Sometimes the gadget does nothing, other times it spits uno cards out of its mouth at the person taking the turn.  One to five cards, depending on it's "mood".  I was attacked by this gadget spitting out several cards at a time, on more than one occasion.  Needless to say, I did not win the game! It was fun, and unpredictable.
How many times have I gone into "attack mode" and spit venom out of my mouth? Poisonous words that impact the people around me in a negative way, rather than a Godly, positive way.  How many times have I felt that attack directed my way? These are the questions I have to ask myself, as I seek truth and love to be evident in my life. How often have I been unpredictable, ready to pounce at any given moment, for ungodly purposes?
Today I read Galatians 6. In this chapter it is very clear that I reap what I sow. "The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others-ignoring God-harvests a crop of weeds." ouch, those are powerful words, and I must take a close look at them.  My life has often been riddled with selfishness. Now, as I seek to run from the attack of self, and seek His will and purpose in my life, I must constantly ask Him to lead me. The chapter advises me to not be fatigued doing good! He says that by doing good, I will see a harvest, a good crop, if I don't give up. He encourages me to work for the benefit of ALL,  not me! And, tells me to start with the community of people closest to me, those in His faith.
Today, I am challenged by these words.  Today, my prayer is to look and focus on Jesus, and Him alone, so I can work for the benefit of others. So I can see beyond myself and into the hearts of others, and have love, compassion, and strength.
Say That Again, Jesus. Lift me into Your presence, and keep me from being in attack mode.  Make me predictable in You, and You alone.

The Party

We went to a party yesterday, my husband, son, daughter, and I. A friend of ours turned 40, and we were invited to celebrate. A lot of people showed up, friends of ours, and we all had a great time.  We spent time together.  We ate food together.  We celebrated our brother in Christ.  It was good. There was an ease throughout the relationships that I find inspiring. There was laughter and comfort and fun.
After the party, a smaller group of us went bowling.  That was entertaining. Once again, we had a very nice time with each other, enjoyable.
Isn't this what God intends for all His children? I know it is what I desire as His child.  I desire to be with His People, and to gather often for food, fun, celebration, love, and unity.  I desire to know His People, and to be known.  And, once I am known, I desire to be accepted and loved unconditionally.  Is this too much to ask of God's people?
Am I willing, as His child to give up myself enough, that I can take the time to serve Him in this manner?  Time to give of myself in relationship and love others? Am I willing as His child to reach out and actually hear the needs of others, and put them before myself?
In my reading this morning, God directed me to Isaiah 52 and there were a few lines that popped out at me. In verse 6, He says "Therefore My people shall know My name; therefore in that day I am the one who is speaking, 'Here I am' "
It's lovely, I think.  I am part of His people, and He is saying that I will know His name, and that He is the one speaking!  He is here, in my midst, talking! He is doing this with all His people, drawing them to Him, loving them, being powerful within them, and celebrating with them.  He is in our midst, enabling His people to know His name, and walk with Him.
And, then in verse 12, I read "For the Lord God will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard." Ah, my protection. Wherever I am, He is. He is scouting the path before me, and coming up behind me to be my safeguard.  His eyes are roaming all about, and He knows my path.  He knows. When His people gather, He is there. He is the heart of the party!
I like this.  I find it comforting to know, that it is all about Him, even at birthday parties.  It is my God that brings birth, life, hope, and My God that sustains me through the good and the bad.  He is the One that will not let any of us go. He is the smile, the joy, the presence that brings peace.
Father, continue to gather me with Your people and to celebrate with all of us.  Continue to cover us in Your love. Say That Again to me about being my rear guard, and enable me to stay on Your path that is scouted out before me.

Chicken and Dumplings

My son and I went to Costco yesterday to get cheese and crackers for our evening home group. While we were there, we picked up other groceries as well.  My son really wanted ground beef so we could make cheese stuffed meatballs. His brother, apparently, is an expert at meatball making.  I had my mind on chicken and dumplings, because my daughter in-law was talking about chicken and dumplings the other day and commented on how good it is.  So, we bought the beef for the meat balls, something I probably won't be eating, and we got the chicken.  I've never had chicken and dumplings, and I certainly haven't made them.  So, I looked up the recipe, on my Iphone, of course, and I think I might actually be able to accomplish this task. The picture looks great, it sounds delicious, and it doesn't appear to be too complicated.  So, between swimming lessons and the dentist today, I plan to embark on the big adventure of making chicken and dumplings.
Dumplings are cooked in the chicken mixture, they take on the flavor of the chicken and the gravy.  They become immersed in the hot, creamy, chicken and vegies.  Yup, my mind immediately went to Christ and being immersed in Him!
Am I? Do I immerse myself so deeply in Him that I take on His flavor? Is everything I do and think a reflection of Him? As I bury myself in His will, do I grow? When others get a taste of my character, do they see Jesus?
These are all questions that chicken and dumplings bring to my mind! And, whose it all about, really--the chicken or the dumplings? :-)
I read in 2 Corinthians 4 this morning.  It's a great chapter on light again, and various things.  It starts out by reminding me that God has generously let me in on what He is doing, and just because I may run into troublesome times, does not mean that I should throw up my hands and run. It makes it clear that I cannot wear a mask, or play games of any kind, or twist God's word to suit myself. On the Message side it says: "we  keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can judge for themselves the presence of God."  And, he goes on to say: "light up the darkness! and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful."
Okay, so if my life is totally immersed IN Christ, I will be open and honest about who I am.  The good and the bad, right?  I won't hide in any darkness, but will allow His light to shine through me so others can see His presence.
This sounds a little frightening on a few levels. What if I get hurt? What if those around me don't like the open book? What if I am rejected, accused, abandoned?   The chapter says near the end, "even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside where God is making  new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace." So, there's my answer!  When I choose to be an open book before God and His Body, there may be times that I feel like it is all falling apart.  But, He is working in me, creating new life everyday, growing me, immersing me IN Him.  And, because of His boundless, endless grace, I will move through and reflect Him.
So, I choose to be a dumpling today, covered IN Him. I choose to take on His flavor, and grow In Him.  It's about Him, not me.  I'm just the dough In His life, for him to expand, teach, love, and give grace to.  When He does all of that for me,  others will witness His presence IN me, and that is good. I will be a testimony of who He is. Soaking In Him gives me power In His spirit!
Say That Again, Holy Jesus! Remind me to stay covered all day long.

Wishful Hermit

There was a time in my life that I wished I could be a Hermit.  I would think about how great it would be if I NEVER had to encounter a single person! Isolated, alone, recluse, this seemed like safety to me. I was okay being with my family--my husband and children, but sometimes even that seemed like more than I could bear.  I just wanted to be alone.
The emptiness and the pain inside of me was so intense, the shame, I couldn't stand the thought of being seen. So, I hid my heart away behind many walls.  It was safe.  At least I thought it was safe, but in reality it was holding me captive in a world of darkness. It was creating a self-centered world where I convinced myself that the majority of people were the enemy. It was painful and lonely and sad.  Anytime I talked, it was not in anyway a revelation of my true self and that is because I had no idea who my true self was.
As I was reading in Matthew 5 this morning, I read about letting our light shine like a city on a hill, that's being pretty visible.  And, a bit down from that on the Message side it says "keep open house; be generous with your lives.By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven."
My body is His temple, his house!  And, He is asking me to be open and generous in the way that I live.  He is asking me to be transparent, AGAIN! It is through my open, transparent life, that God can use me to bring others into His Kingdom.  He gives me the words to say about my life, then He uses that to draw others into Him!  Wow, I find that amazing, because my life has been a mess.  He can take a whole pile of junkie stuff, and use it to save the souls of others!  Because, it is darkness brought into the light.
My past has left a trail of hurts and pain, and further down in this chapter Jesus says to reconcile with the friends that have walls between me. Do not hold a grudge, but love them.  Go to them and speak.  My love for Jesus drives me to live in the light of friendship and love, to walk a path of reconciliation. Words hurt, so I must pray for His Spirit to always speak through me, and pray for His Spirit to help me forgive the words that I have found hurtful and damaging. "The simple moral fact is that words kill."
Sanctify my mouth, Jesus, use it only for your Glory! There have been many times in my life that my mouth has not been used for Jesus! I confess this to Him and everyday I pray for the power of His Spirit to be upon my lips. I pray that I will do as I say in the lives of others, and truth will reign in me. My life will be an open book before Him and those I love, and my words will be like salve to the people He brings into my life.  My words will bring life, not death!
My children can bring such pain to each other with their words.  Name-calling, anger, down-right meanness. When they have these moments, it challenges me to bring light into their lives, and help them see the impact they have on each others hearts. It challenges me to love their hearts and point them towards Jesus. It reminds me that even as an adult, I have behaved like a child.  We all do sometimes. And, then we make enemies. But, Jesus says to love even those who have become our enemy.  He tells us to go to them and be friends. To forgive and live in the light.  My children do this too.  They can be so angry with each other, then five minutes later they have forgiven and they are sweetly playing together. Loving each other, helping each other, displaying kindness.
So, I am choosing to love and display kindness today.  I will not have a hermit heart with walls surrounding me.  I will continue to be real, transparent, alive in Jesus.  A generous life in Him and in His love. I will continue to pray for His light to shine and His life to change me on a daily basis.
Jesus, clothe me today.  Speak to me and through me. Remind me to run from the hermit life and into your arms. Say That Again to me so I will remember the beauty of a generous life with You!

Religion versus Jesus

My son was home with a headache and a fever yesterday. For most of the day he did pretty well, but there were a few times that life was crashing around him. He was annoyed with his sister, and just wanted her to stop talking. He prefers life to be a little more on the quiet side, she prefers it to be loud and lively.  His breaking point was when she was dancing on the couch with her guitar singing as loud as she could about her rock band! She can dance, for sure, and sing, but it was way too much for him. I challenged her to find something more quiet to do and she informed me that if she seeks something "quiet" then she will not be having fun! Life is all about fun right now, and that is important to her. She's not interested in being restrained in anyway, she wants her freedom to express who she is! My son wants the same freedom, he would just prefer to do it quietly. I can make the rules to try to make her quiet, but she will break them.
Back in the olden days, when Jesus walked this earth, He had the same problem.  The religious folks worked really hard at rules.  They worked hard at trying to keep Him quiet.  They were bothered by the noise of His very presence. They were just like my son, when Jesus got too loud, they would try to stone Him! But, Jesus knew Who He Was and what His mission was.  He didn't let their rules, or their stones stop Him from moving forward in this mission.
Jesus hung out with all the wrong people, He loved them, talked to them, nurtured them.  Jesus opened His mouth and spoke words of truth.  He challenged the religious guys to think about their actions. Jesus lived grace. Some of the people witnessed that and chose to follow Him, others just got mad and worked even harder to shut Him up. The religious guys were all about themselves.  They wanted the people to follow them, see them, hear them, obey them.  Jesus, on the other hand, was all about God.  He pointed them to His Father, compelled them to repent, forgive, love, and follow truth.  He compelled them to live truth, and talk truth.  The religious guys were all worried about how things looked, what everyone would say, the rules being broken.  Jesus, He didn't really care about any of that, He sought relationship.  He could look at the blind, the sick, the broken in Spirit, and be in relationship with them.  He healed them with His touch and with the truth of who they were, he did not list all the rules to them.
When he encountered the women at the well, He loved her and He did not judge her.  Then, He commissioned her to go into her own town and do the very same thing.  She was so excited to finally meet the  Savior, that she couldn't wait to share the news.  Not the news of rules, but of love and trust.   He didn't commission her to  go to meetings, keep track of every rule and follow it, restrain from smoking.  He just told her to go and speak the good news of truth.
Jesus, give me Your eyes to see. I am asking for Your discernment today, Your truth.  The freedom that you have given, is just that, FREEDOM! It is not a checklist, and I will choose to fly in that freedom and speak of that freedom today. It is because of this freedom, that He is my friend. Jesus is in relationship with me, loving me, guiding me, shining light on me. He has given such an incredible gift that I will choose to serve Him today. I will praise Him for the friendship, and praise Him for nailing the rules to the cross. I will dance before Him, and proclaim all that He has done for me, yes, me His friend.
Jesus, continue throughout this day to speak.  Say That Again, freedom is mine, and remind me to stomp out the religion!

The Lamp Stand

We have a wooden lamp stand in our family room, with a cheap shade on it and a light bulb! It gives us light, and I like it.  The reason I like it so much is because my dad carved the wood himself and made it.  He gave it to me shortly before his death. It's one of the few things I have from him.
I did not grow up in relationship with my dad.  He left my mother before I was born, and I rarely saw him.  In the first five years of my life I probably saw him 3 or 4 times.  Then, he moved and I was not told where he was.  I spent years looking for him, and asking my grandmother (his mother) where he had moved to.  But, it was to no avail, he didn't want me to know.
Later, at the age of 19, I surprised my grandmother with a visit, and lo and behold, my father was there too! I actually didn't know it was my father in the room, until he walked out of the house and I was told. "By the way, that was your father."  I jumped up and ran after him.  I was able to get between him and his car door before he stepped in, and I confronted his years of avoidance.  It really was not a pretty picture!
I didn't have contact again with my dad for years.  When my grandmother died, we reunited again. His heart had softened.  He gave me his address, and I began the journey of working to get to know my father.  It was a shallow experience for a long time, but I would write to him, visit him, work to see inside his heart.   My family and I visited him after our youngest son was born and spent about 3 days with him.  It was on that visit that he gave me the lamp stand.  He talked some on that visit about his experience with my mother, his desires, his disappointments.  I saw inside of him, a little bit, and I missed him.
My father died a couple years later, and I found it to be very hard.  The father I never really knew, he was hidden from me. He took any light that he may have had, and covered it up. And now, that he was dead, it felt like I all my chances were gone to experience a father. And, they were gone.  All I had was his lamp stand, so carefully molded from his hands.
I read this morning in Luke 11, the section where Jesus talks about the lamp being put on the lamp stand so others can see the light. It is not to be put in a drawer somewhere, and hidden away.  He says that our eyes are the lamps that light up our whole body, let it shine.  If we live in distrust and greed, our eyes and our body will become like a dark cellar. He instructs us to keep our life well-lit just like our best lighted room.
My life has, in the past, been dark and not well-lit.  Like my father and his lamp stand, I hid. It took me a long time to trust my heavenly Father in such a way that I could bring out the lamp stand and allow His Light to shine through me.  His light has now directed my path, and it has clarified the truth.  His Light has healed me, and blessed me, and scattered the darkness.
Yes, as soon as I ran towards the light, out of avoidance and denial, His light set me free. And, the reality is "I'm freer than I think I am!"  It's because His light is on my lamp stand, and I will not hide it again!
Say That Again, Jesus, open my eyes to Your Glorious Light, everyday!

Ice Cream

My favorite food is ice cream. I especially like chocolate covered ice cream bars, with lots of nuts. Its good, and if I could, I'd eat one everyday. One of my favorite things to do is go to the snack bar at Costco, and order one of their ice cream bars dipped in chocolate and rolled in nuts.  This is sometimes a meal for me. It is good, but not healthy.  Well, its not totally bad, right? Chocolate has antioxidants, ice cream has protein (does it?) and of course the nuts are full of nutrition.  So, maybe I could increase my intake :-)  My friends had chocolate covered ice cream bars at my birthday party.  And, occasionally someone brings me one.  Now, if only they had them at the coffee bar at church....
When I was a kid, I enjoyed ice cream on the rare occasion.  I was usually with my grandma, and she fed me all kinds of treats, like ice cream, cold cereal, and coffee in my milk!  Now, as an adult, I still like all of these things, except I've switched to milk in my coffee!  But, these foods bring up good memories to me, and I like good, happy memories of my grandma.
What about the memories that aren't so good?  Yeah, I've had plenty of those too.  I tried to run from them for a long time, because I believed they would kill me, or make me completely unproductive.  What I didn't realize at the time was that I needed to voice them, allow my body to feel them, and then I would become mobile and free. I needed to experience all the stuff that was pent up inside of me, in order to enjoy the sweetness of life. I needed to let myself trust God and others so that I could recognize Who I really am.
Memories of the past can be a little like eating a chocolate ice cream bar.  They are cold.  They can freeze my brain into believing lies,  and cause me to stop, and not move ahead, because of fear.  They can be filled with nutty ideas, and certainly make me feel nutty.  They have a bittersweet flavor to them, just like chocolate.  Mostly, the experience itself was not good for me, but getting it out of my brain is optimal.  It is empowering and healthy, just like an antioxidant! Tacky, I know, but true for me today.
 The sweetness of it all, is knowing God.  Relationship with Him, life in His Spirit.  Excitement to be with Him and enjoy His presence.  To be filled with Him, rather than a negative memory, thought, or lies.  He heals.  He covers me with His wing and protects me. He loves me.
The thrills and joys of my God are countless, and the path He has taken me on is joyful, sorrowful, peaceful, unpredictable, and challenging. It has required me to trust, to step out of my comfort zone, to run off the cliff. Every time, He has been there to catch me. In His sweetness, and in His power.
Say That Again, Precious Jesus, that I can trust you and others and know that You will catch me every time!