Monday, December 2, 2013

The Insomnia

My sleep has been very good since having surgery, most of the time. There have been nights that I fall asleep at 9:00 at night, and I stay asleep, all night long. It's amazing for me, because that never happens. Then, sometimes I have nights like tonight, I just can't sleep. I feel tired, but my brain doesn't want to slow down enough to actually sleep. And, to add to the problem, my husband won't stop snoring, minor detail. I know this is all going to cause me to be very tired tomorrow, and I will want to sleep all day, consequently, making it difficult to sleep tomorrow night.
I'm thinking that I should try to eat something, it might help me sleep. I could eat Sky flakes. Or, pumpkin pie. Maybe I should eat the turkey a friend brought for my birthday, then that would make me sleepy.
I'm remembering that I drank some coffee at my birthday dinner, and that is more than likely contributing to my inability to sleep. I should only drink coffee in the morning. But, when it's brewing, and it feels festive with lots of friends, I forget that detail.
I liked my birthday lunch. Many friends gathered and brought a lot of good food. It was very nice. I enjoyed everyone's company. I felt loved. I've been thinking about love a lot lately and understanding that without that basic essential love, nothing else really falls into place. The love that others have given me, that constant steady love, is what has really moved me to change. It's the love of God that has slowly, but surely convicted me and still is convicting me. It is me seeing others love that has taught me , and it is love that has inspired me to want to be better. The more I focus on loving others, the more I realize I am learning about God, because God is love. When I am able to love outside of myself, then the truth shines through. And, of course to love outside of myself, I must allow Jesus to love through me!
Everyone needs and wants to be loved. Some of us push love away more than others, but it is still a need. With God's eyes I'd like to see through the resistance of love. I know He gave others that ability with me, and for that I will praise His name.
I think I'm going to eat now. My husband has calmed down on the snoring, so maybe I can fall asleep. Jesus, You are in me, You are Love. I'm asking You to love others through me in a wild and a radical way, big and wide. YES! Say That Again!

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